Monday, July 16, 2012

Old dogs & new tricks

My super thoughtful husband gave me a nice piece of jewelry pet containment system for Christmas. Well, for the dogs. But also for me. Because I typically spend 30 minutes of every day waiting for our dog Buster to take a dump. Then, I spend a few more minutes of my time making sure he doesn't step in his own poo. Which he actually does sometimes. Then, I pinch myself and think, is this my life? It's just so glamorous, it's hard to believe I get to do this EVERY morning at 5:00 a.m.! Don't wake me up from this dream, you guys!

We have two dogs: Rudi stays in the yard quite willingly; Buster other runs out of it as though his tail is on fire. His tail has never been on fire (that I know of) he's just a beagle mix with a fixation problem. Or, obsessive compulsive disorder. And maybe selective hearing...and a butt sniffing hobby.

But, I digress.

We recently got around to installing this system which is, in all honesty, really quite fabulous. It was easy to install (that's what the person at my house who spent an entire day installing it says, anyway) and it came with those little white flags and everything. The flags are just great, because they let the world know you are trying really hard to keep your damn dog in the yard. Other awesome things: the super cheesy training video that was likely produced in 1992 and the futuristic collar that is at least 12 milllion sizes too large. Probably because Buster's neck is quite scrawny.

But, I digress. I actually did pay attention to the training video, swearsies. I also spent many, many hours of my life working with the above pictured six year-old beagle mix to help him understand the subtle nuances of our pet containment system. Namely, that he was supposed to stay in the f-ing yard and not run across the busy road to pester the herd of cattle on the other side of said road.

It's not going well, to say the least. We went through every last step, as prescribed, and it all came to a head this weekend when he ran through the barrier numerous times. Each time as though it was no big deal or as though he was receiving jolts of electricity "stimulation" from doing so. In fact, he managed to convince me the system wasn't working, because he just stood there as he was getting shocked. Staring at me. If he had thumbs, he would have twiddled them.

So, I did what any seemingly intelligent person might do: I shocked myself to make sure it was working. Twice.

Let me just say this: it was totally working.

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