Thursday, April 26, 2012

Enough.



Our small, slightly obsessive dog has this strange tendency to lick his food and water bowls so vigorously that he pushes them across the entire kitchen floor. The sound of those bowls sliding across planks of hardwood is beyond obnoxious. He wants every last morsel--and he won't stop until someone tells him to cut it out. That someone is me, and I usually say:

Enough.

Sometimes, once does the trick--other times I have yell it five million bajillion a few times before he finally stops.

The funny part about this dynamic we have is that I too struggle to grasp the concept of enough. Maybe it's the perfectionist in me or my obsessive tendencies (or both, who am I kidding?) but I really just don't get it. I second guess myself a lot--

Have I done enough?
Did I run far enough?
Did I say enough?
Am I thoughtful enough?
Pretty enough?
Thin enough?
Good enough?

A lot of times, I think we look to other people to validate our enough-ness. Or, we allow others to make us feel like we will never be enough in their eyes. It's a difficult concept to master. For me, I sometimes feel as though I never know if it's enough--especially when it comes to my body. If I didn't stop myself, I think I would run all day. Or, exercise for hours every day. Because I am worrying almost constantly if what I'm doing is enough.

When you are a Type A perfectionist with obsessive and addictive tendencies, nothing is ever enough. Clean enough. Perfect enough. Or, just enough in general. You are always worrying. Constantly waiting for something (or someone) to validate that you have done enough. Because perfection doesn't exist. And that drives people like me just a little bit crazy.

Like everything else, doing enough is about giving something your best effort. Then, letting it go. Surrender, it's called. It's the last piece of that puzzle---and truthfully, the scariest part. Perhaps it's because letting something go means trusting yourself. Trusting that you have done everything in your power to make something right.

I think understanding enough-ness is something that we all struggle with at some point. I sincerely doubt the rest of the word is as manic and obsessive as I am, but I think we can all understand that struggle of questioning ourselves. Especially when things don't go our way.

Even if you have to remind yourself every day for the rest of your life: you are enough.

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