Monday, April 25, 2011

Welcome to the 21st Century


{I'm from the future. Or the '90s. Either way.}

Our house was built in the year 1992. You probably don't remember much about the decor choices associated with 1992 (me neither, I was nine) but here's all you need to know: oak, wallpaper, pink, oak, brass, floral, oak. Needless to say, our house had all of the above items when we moved in and my 21st Century self wasn't too thrilled about it.

Ironically, our technology has also been living in the year 1992 since 1992. My boss told me recently that I have the brain of a nine year-old, so really it all makes perfect sense. Truthfully, the technology of the 90's hasn't changed much at our house. Take the Internet, for example. The superhighway of relevant and irrelevant information, if you will. The only way on God's green earth we could access the Internet at our home when we moved in was through a satellite dish. I mean the ONLY way, too. Really, I would be OK with this whole Satellite Internet Situation if it meant that it wasn't a gigantic eyesore, a piece of crap, slow and ridiculously expensive. Otherwise, it's totally awesome and great! {Insert extra, sarcastic exclamation points here.}

As you can see in the photo above, the dish is ballin' out of control. It's right next to the driveway. Also, near our TWO propane tanks. We are so fantastic that just one propane tank won't do. Just so you know, the one on the left is empty (except for a giant nest of robins that I don't have the heart to disturb) and waiting to be removed by our former propane supplier. Who, clearly, is in no hurry to get their propane tank/bird's nest back any moment in the near future. So, we just pretend we are so needy and important that we need two propane tanks. You know, one for us and one for our birds. But since we're fancy we say it like buuuurrrrrds with our pinky fingers in the air.

But, I'm getting off topic. Recently, we took a good hard look at ourselves and realized that it's time to move--into the 21st Century. By leaps and bounds and all at once, really. Ripping our 90's selves off like a band-aid, if you will. It all started with a smart phone that has a data plan, then boiled over into an iPad 2 and a 4G hot spot. We are both rocking and rolling over here, let me tell you.

Things really came to a head yesterday when we elected to remove our unsightly satellite dish and it's corresponding cables from our backyard and home. Nothing would give us greater pleasure than to dig a hole in the yard in the rain, we said. We may have willingly entered the current century, but our old fashioned, horse-and-buggy-using-candles-for-light loving satellite dish wasn't going without a fight. Who knew the 90's were so damn resistant to change?

Really, what happened was we removed 70+ feet of cable, patched the holes, removed the dish and realized: whoever installed the pole in the ground clearly loved the 90's more than the dish does. That baby is coated in concrete and is now a muddy, water-filled hole with a pole in it. I say we just wait a week or two and turn it into a May pole. Or, another home for our buuuuuuuuuurrrrrds. Either way, I'm just happy to say goodbye to the 90's.

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