Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Hormones & Making Decisions: A cautionary tale

I'm pretty sure it was Confucius, the ancient Chinese thinker and educator, who once told the world that no woman should be permitted to make major decisions while in a hormonal state. Probably when his wife wasn't around though, so she couldn't scream at him for telling the world about her cycle and likewise her ever-changing moods. Seems possible to me.

I recently decided that in the effort to save money, I was going to dye my hair using products purchased at my local drug store. You know, because all that professional highlighting jazz was so expensive and it made my hair look entirely too good. Too good for its own good, really. It started out well. Really! Swear! I used this amazing stuff in the shade Magnolia. They don't use the word "Dream" for nothing, you know.

But then, my local store stopped carrying it all together. Probably because I was the only person buying it. Likewise, my life turned into a nightmare in the hair color aisle. Have you ever been the hair color aisle? It's already a nightmare. Also, it's a requirement that you spend at least 15 minutes in that aisle, deciding the fate of your precious hair. There are approximately 283497234124 shades of color to choose from, all with pretty ladies on the boxes and fun color names. There are a lot of questions to be asked in the hair color aisle, like:

Do I see myself as more of a Midnight Chestnut woman or a Auburn Mist lady?

I think Beyonce uses this color and she's married to Jay Z. What color would Jay Z like?

Maybe I should become a redhead. Do they garner more respect than blondes?

If I buy the $10.59 color will it look better than the $8.44 color?

I should get an arm tattoo of some kind. Maybe a Sans Serif font type word on my wrist?

It was overwhelming for me, mostly because I was hopped up on progesterone pills, but also because I was convinced whatever I bought would look awful and make my hair fall out. In protest of my awful decisions really. Because that's what hormones do!

After holding back the tears for my mandatory 15-minute stay in the hair color aisle, I chose the L'Oreal Excellence Blonde Supreme Creme Haircolor in the "Extra Light Ash Blonde" shade. Mostly because there was a pretty new model on the box and because seriously, who doesn't love ASH? Molten ash is great, volcanic ash is totally awesome; what could possibly go wrong?

Well, you could turn your hair to a lovely ASH shade of purplish-gray. You know, because that's what ash is---a GRAY and PURPLE hybrid. Or, you could aspire to become a My Little Pony.

{Self-portrait. Photo.}
That's me. Aren't I pretty? Don't you just love my faux fur vest? It's totally bah-nanas.

But seriously. I'm not going to show you a photo, because this crazy Ashen-haired lady is still recovering from the trauma. One shampoo at a time.

P.S. Did you enter the CSN Stores giveaway yet? I'm picking a winner tomorrow (3/2/11) at Noon EST.

P.P.S. Don't worry mom, I didn't get an arm tattoo. I went for a face tattoo instead.

1 comment:

Joybird said...

Yeah, I am firmly convinced that I am not qualified to color my own hair. This post just confirms it.

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