Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Business

I'm beginning to develop a major complex in regards to the recurring theme of "business" in my life. As a sprite, overly talkative child I was repeatedly told I needed to learn how to "mind my own" business. As I grew older, I yearned to "have a career in" business. It seemed that the word and idea behind this concept was constantly taunting me while simultaneously pulling me in with its sexy wiles. Business was very cunning.

I'm not good, as you can imagine, at minding my own business. It all started when I emerged from the womb. It manifested itself in the first grade on my report card and hasn't let up since. But I wasn't accepted into business school at the age of 18, unfortunately. Perhaps that's the hole in this little story of mine. That a career in business was not meant to be. The irony!

However, a career in never learning how to ever mind my own business was born. I'm nosy. And like to insert myself in conversations. And gossip? Getouttahere. I love gossip. I'm bad at keeping secrets, but I sure love juicy gossip. But this leads to another concept at which I am really and truly inept: knowing when things are no one's business. I am an over-sharer. I tell people all sorts of things about myself because I think that everything that is MY business could possibly be THEIR business, too. I've been thinking about this for 5 seconds and I really believe that we should consider going into business together. Wouldn't we be great partners? We could run this town, you and I. Let's join my business AND your business and we will soon be millionaires. Successful, nosy, millionaires.

Or something like that. But it's safe to say that I'm married to a man who likes to say things like, "That is no one's business." Mostly it's about things that I didn't even consider not being the business of almost everyone in my vicinity. I simply don't understand what's your business and what's not your business. It's really a concept that completely eludes me at every moment of every day. It's almost as though all of my business is an acid, slowly burning through my brain until I spit it out and make a big announcement. Usually about something that is not, realistically, your business whatsoever.

But, as I like to point out on occasion because I like to be right all of the time, sometimes sharing your business is a good way to get people to shut their yappers. Example? Telling one person who can't keep anything to themselves something so they successfully share your business with everyone and people stop asking you when you're going to have kids already. Because even though that really is not the business of anyone else in my business organization, it is an awkward enough concept that people will say nothing because they don't know what to say and--AND--they know it's not their business. It's juicy gossip, but none of your business. So now, instead of asking ridiculous pointed questions, I just get pathetic glances and sad smiles. Because everyone knows it is none of their business, but they feel like I'm a wounded bird of some kind that deserves oodles of fanfare, but no mentioning of business matters.

This example, however, is not a strong argument for the business department at our house. It's really not their business, but I'm just dying to tell people all sorts of things that really aren't their business. But I feel obligated to tell them anyway. For some reason. I have lots of business to share, like ____________ which means that I will be ______________ next week. Even though it's scary, it's actually a good thing, because it means I won't be_____________________ anymore.

Aren't you glad I shared all my business with you? Madlibs, anyone?

2 comments:

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