Monday, September 27, 2010

WWMHD: a hilarious weekend in review

{Photo from here}

Personally, I am all about using the weekend as a method to completely forget about the week. You know, like a little tiny vacation at the conclusion of each work week. It does wonders, save the moment my alarm clock begins to lull me from a deep sleep at 6:00 a.m. on Monday and coldly shoves me back to reality.

This weekend, in retrospect, was quite hilarious. This is because I find everything (and I mean everything) to be hilarious even when it's not all that funny.

On Saturday, my better half departed early in the A.M. for football-related activities. Saturday is a day where I refuse to wake up early, so I was still in bed when he left. I'm told that the garage door was refusing to close and he informed me (in my sleepy haze) that he was going to leave the garage door open and locked the door from the kitchen to the garage. Sounds great. Well, after informing me of this fact, the door decided to close. Must have been all the work I put in with my socket wrench set, no?

No. So, the door was closed and everyone was just fantastic and life went back to normal. I continued to sleep until it was time to drop the dog off at the kennel and began my preparations that usually cause her to go into a tailspin because we're going somewhere in the car and that's always really, really exciting. Really. I headed out into the garage to get something from the car and the moment that the door closed behind me I had a flashback: the door was locked. And we bought the world's stupidest door handle, that can be locked and still allow you to open the door and lock yourself outside. Which is what I did. In my pajamas. With no bra on. And Crocs on my feet. And no key. And no cell phone. And no anything else that would make it possible for me to do anything, really.

So, I attacked this conundrum with the logic that I would refer to as WWMHD: What Would My Husband Do? Because he's the rational one. He's the problem solver. I'm the crazy one. Who can't think rationally in high pressure situations. So, I sat on the steps in the garage and thought things through, tapping my Crocs-clad foot and coming to the conclusion that I had just a few options:

1. Go next door in my white shirt with no bra and ask to use the neighbor's phone to call my husband and come let me in the house
2. (Attempt to) break down the door with my tiny, but powerful, body
3. Cut the screen on the kitchen window and shove my tiny, powerful body through the window

Both you and my husband would be thrilled to know that I selected option numero tres. I located the tools of the trade (box cutters, Werner ladder) and proceeded to break into my own house. It was much easier than I imagined. I sliced two small sections, popped that baby off and shoved my body through the window, over the pile of clean dishes in the sink, all whilst the dog observed in quite an un-helpful manner.

In true fashion, I had to make a joke out of this less than hilarious predicament. So, I did what any wife would do, and tried to give my husband a heart attack.

Me: Hello, guess what? I have good news and bad news for you.
Him: Oh boy. What now?
Me: OK, so the bad news is that someone sliced the screen in the kitchen, climbed through the window and broke into our house. Good news? It was me.

Funny, right? In my mind, people who cause me to be locked out of the house deserve to be given a mild heart attack. It's only fair.

But, I believe in karma. And karma reminded me yesterday that it was truly alive and well. You know, because the guy who locked me out of the house Saturday puked out of the window of his parent's moving vehicle less than a mile from our home. Let's just say it was a windy day. And a disgusting windy day at that. Helloooo, karma.


visitoardc said...

lol! My dog locked me out of my house once. I popped the screen & shoved my kid through the window to come unlock the door for me! :) Following from TTA. :)

livingoutloud said...

I am a new follower from the blog hop.
Living Out Loud


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