Thursday, September 9, 2010

It's Complicated

If my alarm clock and I were in a relationship on Facebook, it would read, "It's Complicated." Because, well, it is. I love my alarm clock. I hate my alarm clock. I can't decide exactly what I feel for my alarm clock. I just don't know anymore. We need to go to therapy. To talk about our feelings, of course.

It's not just MY alarm clock, I think it's all alarm clocks. They really are awful. But, there are so many great things my alarm clock has to offer! It plays my iPod! It charges my iPod! It has a radio! AM and FM! It gives me 5 million radio pre-sets! It wakes me up every morning! It has a gigantic snooze button! It tells me the time! And? And! It tells me the date! Plus, it's thoughtful. It wants me to be on time for everything, including important and non-important events. It doesn't discriminate, it just wakes me up any time I ask. Without asking any questions. I hate questions. They really are the worst.

But things can be rocky with my alarm clock. It gets poor radio reception unless we take that stupid wire thing and string it through my bedside lamp. That is quite unsightly in my decorating opinion. Despite our three years together, it always takes me approximately five minutes to figure out how to turn the damn thing off. Sometimes, it takes two tries. There are lots of buttons to choose from, OK? Other times, it just never turns off and I come home and it literally sounds like the alarm clock is screaming bloody murder at Rudi. Who, of course, is sleeping through the obnoxious sound like a tiny, newborn baby who has no idea what the big deal is. This is why dogs are late to everything and most people find them to be quite inconsiderate. The nerve!

I think things really took a turn when I met my husband, who introduced me to the delightfully wonderful world of hitting the snooze button. Before him, I was a total non-snoozer. Today? Today I am a minimum three-snoozer. I'm the person who sets my alarm early just so I can snooze--in heavenly 9-minute increments of course. This has created a tumultuous relationship with my alarm clock. In my sleepy haze, I sometimes think the snooze is the off button and I over sleep. Or, I can't tell if I hit "off" or just turned on the radio. Or, if I turned on one of my 12 optional radio pre-sets. I don't seem to recall reading in the owner's manual that I can set 4 alarms in 15 minute increments by pressing two buttons at the same time. Who in tarnation needs that function? What kind of alarm clock is this anyway?

This morning was no exception. I set my reliable old pal for 6:00 a.m. sharp. Like clockwork (har!) it awoke me with obnoxious beeps at my requested time. I hit snooze. Three times. Then, I began my morning routine. Which begins with washing my face with the other fantastic invention that plays a large role in my life: the Clarisonic Mia. It's the best thing ever and totally worth the investment. Also,  it's sort of loud--especially when I'm washing my face and the water is running. So, the alarm clock is doing that thing where it sounds like it is screaming at the dog and I can't hear anything. Except my husband screaming. And Rudi barking. It's chaos. Chaos, I tell you!

For some reason, those two decided to act like our house was on fire instead of putting their heads together and figuring out how to turn off the alarm clock. Because I only have a college degree and I'm not sure how to turn it off. I mean, one of them has TWO degrees from an institution of higher education and the other knows basic commands in my baby voice. Can't one of them turn off the alarm clock without my assistance? No, no one can do that without me. Me and my lovely face, dripping with soap suds and my Clarisonic Mia humming a familiar tune in the background.

We need a less intelligent alarm clock, because I'm pretty sure this one has its PhD in Annoying from MIT. And no one in our house is allowed to be smarter than me. No one.


Capricorn Soap Company said...

I have a very rocky relationship with my alarm clock, too. Only mine is old. VERY old. And have to set it for two hours ahead of time - 2 hours!!! Because I press snooze at least 5 or 6 times. I have considered getting a new one - this one has a deep groove in the snooze button where my finger hits it every morning. I just can't seem to make myself part with it.

Bonhomie Jewelry said...

HA!! My alarm clock and I parted ways some time ago and good riddance! You think a 'snooze' man is bad? My husband doesn't "need" an alarm clock. He just magically awakes at the specified time. How obnoxious is that???

Found you via "Thirsty Thursday" and mentioned you on my blog!

Joyful Housewife said...

Haha.LOL. I have an alarm clock on the night stand, but I don't use it. I use my cell phone and it's set to vibrate. I am a very light sleeper so its enough to wake me. I hit snooze on my phone for about 45 minutes before I get up and its goes off like every 5 minutes! LOL It's much quieter than the annoying loud sound that comes from the regular alarm. =0)

I am a new follower here from Thursdays Friends and Giveaways.

Have a good day.
-Melanie =0)
Joyful Housewife

Steph S. said...

The sudden alarm always terrified me, so I got one of those LLBean Illuminating alarm clocks - it blinks a soft light a few min. before the actual alarm - which is dangerously loud - sounds. The blinking light actually wakes me every time!

P.S. I left an award for you on today's post! :D


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