Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Warm/Cold Game

{Photo from here}

I'm convinced that every couple has some dumb thing that they do in the privacy of their own home that would be incredibly embarrassing if it ever saw the light of day. Because I'm so into over-sharing everything, I'll tell you what our dumb thing is: Maple Nut Goodies.

What in tarnation are these Goodies? Well, lemmetellyasomething: Brach's® Maple Nut Goodies are the perfect bite-sized treat. Each piece is a unique combination of fresh oven-roasted Georgia peanuts and a buttery toffee center covered in a Real Maple Syrup coating.

We are completely obsessed with Maple Nut Goodies. It's a problem. Prior to this obsession, I was only obsessed with candy corn, which was a good obsession considering that it's only available for roughly 2 months of every year. But sweet, sweet Maple Nut Goodies? Oh, the MNG are available every time we go to Menard's for one of our 2,435,897 ongoing home improvement projects. Sometimes, we make up projects so that we can go to Menard's and buy MNG, they are that awesome. It's very possible that MNG are available in other locales, but the Menard's MNG has a special feature: they carry a bag of MNG so gigantic that it comes with its own plastic twisty thing, commonly found on hamburger buns and bread.

Those silly people at Brach's really are hilarious. They think that in making such a humongous bag of MNG that most people will have a need to close the bag up and keep it fresh for further noshing sessions. What the Brach's people don't understand is that we don't need no stinking plastic thing-y. The entire bag will be gone in 24 hours, no re-sealing required and really, no concerns about keeping anything fresh. Unless, of course, that thing-y will help keep them fresh inside my stomach.

This is where our private, disturbing behavior comes into play. For whatever reason, I am a ravenous animal when it comes to MNG. I will eat (almost) the entire bag if left unsupervised. I'm often not supervised, so I eat a lot of MNG in my spare time. I have a lot of spare time. A lot. What's the solution to this intense conundrum, you ask? Why, hiding MNG from me of course. OF COURSE! Because that's what mature adults do--they hide delicious things that they like from their spouse so that they can have more for themselves. It's not greed. No, not at all. It's survival of the fittest and most cunning, is what that is. And sorta pathetic, but that's all details shme-tails really.

I hate it when things are hidden from me because I'm so very awful at finding them.  Hell, I can't even find my keys most days and I'm the one who hid them from myself! This whole hiding the MNG from me began simply enough--my spouse would go to Menard's, buy MNG and not tell me about it. He would leave the MNG in his vehicle and eat them in his spare time and enjoy the entire bag and that dumb plastic thing-y all by himself. I quickly caught on to his scheme, aided by the fact that he would bring the receipt inside and leave it on the kitchen counter. I'd decipher the receipt code and figure out that BRA MAP NU GOO was actually my beloved Brach's Maple Nut Goodies. Busted. Amateur.

I thought I had pulled one over on my spouse one epic day, after hiding the MNG from him. See how he likes a taste of his own medicine, I proclaimed! Before I could eek out some ridiculous phrase like, "Oooo the student has become the master!" he had already found my poor, pathetic hiding spot. Turned tables, please return to your original position.

So, the evolution continued: he would bring them inside, let me have a few and then hide them. In the house. To drive me completely insane. The hiding spots have become progressively more difficult, which forces me to use my other tactic: acing like a giant, annoying, whiny baby until he agreed to tell me where they were hidden. That worked for like 2 seconds. You see, after nearly three years of marriage, my husband knows something very important about me: I'm not good at finding things and I give up really, really easily. Really.

Things really came to the breaking point over the weekend when he found a new, more elite hiding spot that I was unable to crack. I tried a newer, softer approach to finding that bite-sized deliciousness:

Me: Sooo, in what general vicinity have you hidden my MNG?
Him: YOUR MNG? I'd hardly say they are your MNG.
M: Let's play a game and if I win I get to eat them.
H: What's the game called?
M: The oldest game around: The Warm/Cold Game.
H: That's not a game
M: Is too! Didn't you play Warm/Cold as a child?
H: No, no I did not. I played the HOT/Cold game. You know, the real game.


Mama Hen said...

This is so funny! I have to tell you that I had something like this when I was in Germany years ago and have not been able to find something like it! I think this just might be it! I am going to have to buy some and find out! Thank you for stopping by today! You are right about every couple having their silly little thing that they do!

Mama Hen

Ott, A. said...

Just wanted to let you know that I left you an award over on my blog today. I find your posts very fun. Congrats.


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