Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Loud Family

Every neighborhood has its elaborate cast of characters. I know this because I spent most of my college career watching Desperate Housewives on ABC, featuring the oh-so-timeless beauty of Lois Lane Skeletor Teri Hatcher. There's the hot plumber that lives down the street, the crazy guy who stuffs his dead wife in a trunk, the perky redhead who bakes lots of muffins and the sluttly lady who inevitably gets run over by a car in season 5 and dies. Yup, just your everyday, normal gang of commonfolk.

The place where I live is not a place that you would describe as a "neighborhood" per say. It's more like a group of fields with stuff growing in them with some houses sprinkled in between fields. Let's just say that I have more soy bean plants behind my house than I do real people neighbors.

However, I do have some real people neighbors. Just a few, really. The people neighbors that I do have really are a treat. I already introduced you to "Have To Say Hello To Everyone Guy" but I have yet to tell the enthralling tale of The Loud Family. I'm willing to bet that you have a Loud Family in your neighborhood, too. You know the type: loud kids, always making noises, loud parents, always also making noises and of course, crazy dogs that--you guessed it--are always making noises. Usually chihuahuas, because they are a fitting pet for people who are all loud, all the time.

The Loud Family is an interesting bunch. They are creative in their loudness, which I suppose a small portion of me actually finds to be witty and/or interesting. Admirable, even. The Loud Family has added to their loudness by turning what I imagine was once their yard of grass into large piles of dirt. It goes well with their oversized trampoline and their above-ground pool with observation deck so they can scream "WOOO!" until their heads fall off repeatedly. Who would get rid of all their grass and turn it into dirt piles, you ask. What could that possibly be used for, you wonder.

It's their own personal, professional home-made dirt bike course. Duh. If I was into things like dirt bikes and dirt piles, I might be impressed. The piles really are impressive. Instead, I'm just annoyed. You see, living yards away from a dirt bike course means a few things: lots of dust and lots of a sound I will attempt to re-create now:


It's loud. And it's constant. And I can't go anywhere in my house and NOT hear it. Even the basement. In my special room with the padded walls where I rock back and forth in the corner because I'm crazy from that sound. When I talk to people on the phone, they say things like, "What on EARTH is that SOUND?" Oh that? That's just the neighbors and their silly dirtbikes! Pay no mind to that sound, person who can't hear me over all that REEEEEEEEEEIINGIINGG-ing eventhough all the windows and doors in my home are closed!

Some days, it's quiet. The only REEIIINNNGGIIGNNGG-ing is the REEEEIIINNGINGNG-ing in my head. Then, there are other days when  new, slightly more dreadful sound presents itself: the beep-beep-beep-ing of a bulldozer. I hear it, in my nightmares, because I know what it means: the hills are being re-configured. For a newer, better-er dirtbike-ier course. Because everyone knows that you can't just go over the same old hills for months on end! BOR-ING! Zzzzzzz. That was me falling asleep on my keyboard from merely thinking about how old and over-played the old dirtbike course has become. You gotta mix things up and get crazy so you can improve your dirtbiking skillz, yo!  Also, you should buy your own bulldozer so you can just configure and re-configure the living daylights out of those dirt mounds whenever you want. All the live-long-day, even.

You know, I realize that there's nothing wrong with having a passion in life. In fact, I think you should have a passion. Passions are fantastic. But why, WHY, must every last one of your passions be so loud? Can't we all just have passions that are just slightly less noisy, like croquet or bocce ball? Or, playing the "quiet game?" I love that game! It's really a good time, I promise.

Also, don't get me wrong: I'm no angel myself. I know that I'm an integral part of the cast of characters in this elaborate yarn. I can't decide on what role the residents of my home and I actually play, but I have some educated guesses, including:

-The Always Doing Intense Home Renovation Projects Family
-The Skinny Lanky Pale Family
-The Wears Spandex To Go On A Bike Ride Family
-The Crazy About Everything In Their Yard Family
-The Runs Around The Block With A Canister Of Mace While Listening To Justin Beiber On Her I-Pod Lady (No one really knows about the second part, but it's an important part of who I am)

Oh, and you've heard of Little Orphan Annie, right? Well, meet Little Stalker Doggy, who's all up in my biznezz, all the time.

If it wasn't so darn adorable, I might be annoyed. But who--WHO--finds cuteness to be annoying?


Jessica Butler said...

Oh Emily you just made my day! This is hysterical. And what is even more hysterical about it is the fact that I grew up next to that exact same Loud Family only in a different town. You forgot to mention that after awhile your house windows will begin to make the outside look a little hazy..sort of foggy but you can't exactly put your finger on it. Yes, that would be the dirt that blows up and over onto your nice, not-so-clean-anymore house. Enjoy =)

The Fox Den said...

Hahaha, I'm trying to think of a good name for the family that I lived across from when I was growing up.... Hmmm... suggestions??? ;) I love and miss them :)

The Price's said...

Foundyou on New Friend Friday! Enjoyed reading through your blog!!!! Have a great weekend!

Marianne (aka Lucy's Human) said...

Coming over from New Friend Friday! Love the blog- and am proud to say I'm your 100th follower! (I'm a blogger too, and just 100 the other day! It's a great feeling!)

Lucy's Human

Jen said...

Too funny! And so true!

from follow me friday
jen @


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