Every year, my husband and I head to Chicago for New Year's. We have partaken in this particular ritual for several years now and have realized that the Land of Lincoln is far different than The Buckeye State. Land of Lincoln firmly believes that its drivers should pay tolls to do things like driving on the road. Pssh, Buckeye State lets us do that for free, yo!
So, because we are rebels without a cause, we elected to gallivant throughout the state and failed to pay a few measly tolls. In 2009. Also, in 2010. In our defense, the first two were blatant skip outs because we were told a few skip outs wouldn't amount to anything. For the last three we had a friend's iPass, but failed to understand how that new-fangled contraption worked and basically went through scott-free. Until today, that is. Scotting for free is now denied until further notice.
Turns out, Land of Lincoln has a good memory. How does that go again? Lincoln never forgets? Honest elephant? I wish I knew a witty line to describe the fact that we just got SERVED via the United States Postal Service today.
A crisp, white letter arrived addressed to yours truly today from the friendly folks at the Illinois Tollway. Actually, it arrived to who yours truly was almost 3 years ago before I changed my name to its current German moniker via marriage. This letter aint no joke. It's all quoting sections of the Illinois Toll Highway Act and providing me with photographic evidence of my blatant failure to follow said Act and stuff.
Then, for good measure, said letter reminded me how I managed to basically take a big, stinking you-know-what upon the great state of Illinois by not paying tolls:
"Toll evasion is a public, strict liability and vicarious liability violation."
Vicarious? Sheesh, the only thing I'm interested in doing in a vicarious manner is to live through my children someday by enrolling them in pageants. NOT violate Section 10/10(a-5) of The Illinois Toll Highway Act AND sections 2520.269(e) and 2520.750 of the Illinois Administrative Code! I wouldn't dare!
Then, to further illustrate my stupidity, the notice reminded me of how much cheaper it would have been to just pay the damn tolls in the first place. Oh, what's that? I skipped out on 5 tolls amounting to $3.30, but with the mandatory $20 fine per violation I now owe Land of Lincoln $103.30? I'm no math whiz, but that sure sounds good to me!
All I ask, dear Illinois Tollway, is that you do not spend the entirety of my hard-earned donation in one place. Oh, and if it's for road improvements in an important location could ya do me a solid and like slap my name on a sign or something? Oh, but not my maiden name, my real name PLZ and TANK YOU.