Friday, April 9, 2010

View from the top

This week has been incredibly busy and trying for me. Being busy is a funny thing: it sometimes makes us feel panicked and can make it difficult to breathe. But deep down, being busy is incredibly gratifying because it means we're furthering ourselves. If we weren't busy, we wouldn't be accomplishing anything. The mania is just a cover for the fact that we are working to stretch and expand into better versions of ourselves. It can sometimes be scary--frightening even--to push ourselves into uncharted territory. It can leave us feeling vulnerable and confused.

I find that the rush of a busy, harried schedule makes it even more important to take time to balance out my life by slowing down and finding time to be with my thoughts. For me, talking things out with myself allows me to center myself and keep the mania of the unknown in perspective. Suddenly, I'm not so scared anymore.

I'm not much of a collector--I didn't inheirit that gene from my father--but the one thing that I do enjoy collecting? Insprirational quotes. I have pages and pages of phrases, poems and stories that make me smile and allow me to bring perspective to my life. When things get crazy, reading inspirational quotes always makes me feel better.

Grey's Anatomy is one of my favorite shows, but it always makes me cry. Every. Single. Episode. From an older couple struggling with a brain tumor to a child with cancer, everything creates a Niagra Falls-like experience on my face. Recently, the closing moments of the show compelled me to hit the pause button and grab and pen and paper to write the words that made me sob with understanding. They were beautiful, touching and it felt like they were talking to me:

"They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of the mountain. They're smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They don't take pictures along the way, because who wants to remember the rest of it? We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level, nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember; we just want to remember the view from the top. The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That's what keeps us climbing--and it's worth the pain. That's the crazy part: it's worth anything."

As for me, I'm still climbing and clawing at the rocks to reach the summit. Remembering that every moment, every drop of blood from those sharp rocks that sting my bare hands is worth it, makes all the difference.

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