Sunday, April 27, 2008


As a kid, dandelions were awesome. What could possibly be cooler than a weed that has a bright yellow flower and those white fuzzy things, that you could blow into the wind? The obvious answer: there are ALOT of things that are much, much cooler.

If I have to be judged by others on a superficial basis, I hope I am judged by the following criteria, in this order:

1. How cool my clothes are
2. How far I can run
3. My yard

Dandelions are really getting in the way of my upstanding status on the third item. If you would have asked me last year, "Do you have a nemesis or archenemy?" I would answer with one word, and one word alone: THISTLES.

If you haven't had the pleasure, thistles are hardy weeds with sharp spines, deep roots and a serious attitude problem. Our garden was overtaken by these when we moved in, which means I spend many long hours in the garden, pulling them by hand and filling many yard waste bags with their rotting carcasses. It was terrible, and I grew to hate the spiny, unaturally hardy mutant weeds so much that I began to feel nothing could be worse than their existance.

When the spring season finally arrived, I realized that while thistles are painful to glove-less hands and annoying, dandelions just make the yard look like I've given up. Today was the day I would prove that I didn't give up, as I donned my faded Xavier t-shirt, pink sweat pants and a 1.33 gallon jug of weed-b-gone, I was going to show those dandelions who is the boss of whom.

It started off well, spraying into the wind and pelting those enemy weeds with my poison. Then, like a light from heaven, I had an epiphany. I looked left, I looked right. What did I see?

It seems, flying in the face of conventional wisdom, our neighbors are actually growing crops of dandelions in their yards. Has there been a change to the term "cash crop" that I'm not aware of?!? I'm not one to give up, but I give up. There's always next year, right?


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