He's 31

Today is my husband's 31st birthday.

And this gift giving occasion makes me realize that I’m a lot of things, but naturally thoughtful is not one of them.

Christmas was a bit of a disaster, you see. He bought himself a sandblasting cabinet a few weeks before Christmas. And I recalled a conversation about not exchanging gifts because of this purchase. As luck would have it, this discussion only took place inside my head. He gave me an amazing Christmas gift. And I didn’t get him anything.

The lesson here is this: despite someone telling you it’s alright you forgot about them, it still hurts when someone forgets about you. That over-used saying is true: it really is about the thought.

I’ve spent months feeling terrible about my lack of thoughtfulness. And I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to be thoughtful. It’s about taking the time to do things that allow people to understand they have worth. That you see them. Realize the importance of their contribution in this world. And that you’re willing to take the time to show them.

Relationships work when you work at them, simply put. And it doesn’t take much time to understand that, for the people who know you love them, just knowing it isn’t enough. You have to tell them. And show them. And you have to do it over and over again.

I’m the lucky one is this partnership. I’m married to a man who is incredibly thoughtful. He listens to everything I say. He notices. And he’s much more generous (and at least ten times more patient) than I am. He doesn’t do it to make me look like a terrible person; he does it because that’s who he is.

And I’ve given him a series of well-planned and thoughtful gifts over the last month. I’ll give him the final gift today, on his birthday, which I did not forget.

Remembering his birthday was the least I could do.

I'm Proud of You

“If you are losing faith in human nature, go out and watch a marathon.” –Kathrine Switzer

The marathon is an amazing thing.

It’s a testament to love, hard work, dedication, strength, and an amazing feat of human will.

People gather in the masses to encourage, uplift, and show love for their family and friends. But it’s the fact that they’re so willing to do the same for complete strangers that’s so beautiful.

A particularly tough stretch of the Columbus marathon taught me that lesson last fall.

Rounding the corner of mile 18, I felt a spectator watching me intently. As I passed, she reached out for me with a gentle hand.

“Emily,” she said, meeting my eyes squarely. “I’m proud of you.”

Shocked, I squeaked out a thank you and kept running. But her words never left me. Someone who didn’t know me was proud of me. She took the time to notice that I was doing something difficult and felt compelled to show me the same kindness she might have shown her own daughter.

When I heard what happened in Boston yesterday, I thought of that woman. The one who showed me kindness for no other reason than for the sake of kindness. I don’t know who she is. But I'll never forget her.

Yesterday, people at the finish line of the Boston Marathon responded to tragedy the way I expected them to—with love, kindness, and compassion.

I got up early this morning. Very early. I put on my shoes and headed outside in the dark. It was probably a dangerous idea on my part, but I did it anyway.

I ran alone, in the silence of the early morning. I listened to my breathing, felt my feet hit the pavement in rhythm. And I cried.

I cried because the world is a tough place for you and I. Those of us who feel and love and try to see the best in others. It’s easy to be discouraged, isn’t it? Easy to feel like no place is safe for us anymore.

But, it is. Try to find your peace in those stories of the helpers. Those who ran toward the danger, not away. Who were kind and protective of strangers who needed them.

And remember: no matter who you are or where you go, someone is proud of you.

On Surviving. Again.

I've talked about survival before. Clearly I have some sort of fixation with concept. I did name this blog City Girl Can Survive, after all.

It still fascinates me, though. How do people manage, time and time again, to survive something terrible?

I keep going back to grief. It is commonly said that everyone grieves differently--I believe this is true. But I also have to believe that once grief fades away, survival is what sets in. And surviving? That is something we all do differently as well.

Some of us pour our hearts out. Some make light of their hardship. Others pour their energy into their work. Some keep it all inside. Some become angry. And unfortunately, some self-destruct.

There's no right way to survive--just like there's no right way to grieve. But this is the fascinating part: no one ever teaches you how to survive. No one sits you down as a small child and explains that life won't always be fair.

No, no one does that. At least no one I've ever met. Our parents arm us with what they believe are the skills we need to survive life. But they cannot anticipate what lies ahead--and they will never truly know.

And really? Neither do you. You cannot prepare for everything; which pretty much means you cannot prepare for anything.

I remind myself of this over and over again. Because if anyone is bad at taking my advice, it's me.

I'm terrible at taking my advice because life, if you haven't noticed, is a very fluid thing. It expands and contracts and spins in all sorts of directions almost constantly. And the moment you think you have your act together, you don't.

Because no one does--even the ones who seem like they do. And that's just as frustrating as it is comforting.

Some days, knowing that something terrible is part of a greater plan pisses me off. Other times, it's incredibly comforting. Either way, it's never the same feeling.

What I know for sure is this: you shouldn't just try to survive, you should try to live. Every day. With meaning. Substance. And a hunger to survive everything thrown your way.

The 10 Commandments of Fashion

The 10 Commandments of Fashion

In the world of fashion, trends can change in a heartbeat. To help you avoid fashion faux pas that will leave you at the bottom of the style food chain, here are the 10 commandments you should follow:

1.  Avoid ill-fitting underclothes

It can be easy to think about the fit of your clothes when buying tops or jeans, but what about what you wear underneath? Always buy the correct size underwear to give your body the best shaped silhouette.

2.  Go for clothes that fit.

Clothes that are too big or too-small look terrible. Be careful while shopping, and don’t be afraid to ask the assistant for help. Remember that clingy material tends to show up bulges or layers of fat, so avoid these if you have problem areas you’d like to hide.

3. Match the material

If it’s a slim look you want, stay away from heavy materials like tweed and wool. Instead, we suggest you go for crepe or linen, etc.

4.  Go for a look that suits you

Your clothes should reflect your own personal style so don’t try and mimic someone else.

5.  Contrast the shapes and sizes.

If you’re wearing a tight top, don’t wear a tight pair of trousers but go for a looser pair.

6.  Add splashes of colour

Don’t be afraid to experiment with colours. Adding a dash of bright red or blue to a plainer outfit of black or white is sure to impress.

7. Don’t follow, lead

Fashion is about setting trends; not following them. Embrace your own unique style in everything from new ladies dresses to jeans and tops; you never know, you might become the next big thing.

8. Accessorise

Your shoes and your bag are the first things that people will notice about you. Often a great outfit is ruined because of tacky shoes or a shabby bag so invest in good brands that match.

9.  Dress appropriately for the occasion

Don’t wear jeans to a formal function and similarly, don’t wear something overtly revealing to an office party. Always consider what sort of clothing everyone else will wear and dress appropriately to give the right impression.

10. Be confident

How you look can affect how you feel but ultimately confidence comes from within. Be proud of your sense of style and wear all outfits with a carefree and confident attitude – nothing looks better.